In Defense of Hotel Weddings

I can't tell you how many couples come to me and say "we want a venue that's special- NO HOTELS." Ok, I'll give you that many hotels are a dime a dozen-- low ceilings with outdated lighting fixtures, ridiculous carpets that don't go with anything and banquet chairs from the 1980s that are neither comfortable or good looking, even when covered in chair cloths and sashes... in fact, sometimes they're much worse once dressed.

But, consider the benefits of a hotel for your wedding.

• Convenient- all your guests can stay at the hotel, you can do the rehearsal dinner in one of the hotel's restaurants, get your hair and nails done by the in-hotel salon, host an after-party at the hotel bar or in someone's room, generally larger buildings that people can find somewhat easily, no worries about people having to drive home drunk and its common for hotels to give the bride and groom their wedding night stay (usually in a lovely bridal suite) and maybe even a free stay or other perks, like room service and champagne, for their anniversary. 
• Your guests, especially the out-of-towners, will love you. Hotels not only tend to give discounts for guests of a wedding, but they also provide free shuttles from local airports/train stations, they have concierges that can help guests find things to do to occupy non-wedding time, they have services for pressing out cocktail attire and in-house babysitting for little ones. It can be tough to be in a strange town for a weekend, especially when you don't want to bother the families of the bride or groom as they prepare for the event. Most of the "hosting" duties of a wedding weekend can be passed off to the professionals without people feeling neglected or mad.
• Established- because such a huge profit center for most hotels are their event management and hosting facilities, they know what they're doing. They have lists and recommendations for pretty much every kind of vendor you could ever want-- florists, event lighting, face painters and snow cone vendors- the event planners at the hotel can point you in the right direction and often negotiate a discount on your behalf for working with preferred/recommended vendors.
• They already have, in-house, caterers, rentals, dance floor, sound systems, pastry chef, servers, bartenders, valet attendants, etc. You get to do a one-stop shop for these things and save yourself huge amounts of time, and usually, money.
• If its a larger hotel chain, such as Marriott or Hyatt, you have a good chance of being able to claim points on your awards account for some of the wedding expenses and your stay, contributing towards a great honeymoon or anniversary trip.
• Because hotels and weddings generally tend to be larger, it's not uncommon for prospective couples to be allowed to discretely view the set-up of a wedding before it begins or peek their heads in during the reception to see the full look and execution of the hotel's staff and services-- not a lot of places will show you anything but a portfolio of their favorite pictures and their most satisfied newlyweds.

So, given all the benefits, I know you're still thinking- "sure, but it's impersonal and cookie cutter and boring." But you don't have to give up! First of all, you would be amazed at the kinds of spaces that hotels have and aren't utilizing for events. Even your most average looking hotel ballrooms may be in buildings with grand staircases to use for the ceremony, an historic, dark-paneled bar you can use for your cocktail hour, a sommelier to host a pre-wedding wine tasting for out of towners or even a rooftop or courtyard area that can be set up for your party.

In my area, the DC/Baltimore Metro area, I've been recently stunned by the number of truly unique and impressive hotels available to brides-- all the benefits and amenities of the hotel, paired with amazing venues for the ceremony and partying to take place. Baltimore is a favorite of mine for off-beat places, including their hotels. DC also has some beautiful venues with unbelievable views, but don't forget to check out the smaller places in Annapolis or even Lancaster or out by Leesburg for something different and complete. A few suggestions? If you're an Annapolitan, the waterfront venues such as the Marriott are stunning and classic, but for a more unique look, try the Governor Calvert Inn- they give you access to a stunning recreation of an English Garden for the ceremony/cocktail hour and then a reception space with exposed brick, murals and hardwood floors.

Governor Calvert Inn, Annapolis, MD

Or if you want something a little more majestic, take a look at the Fairmont or the Mayflower in downtown DC.

Fairmont in DC

Mayflower Hotel in DC

For the seriously unique, check out these spots I like (Hilton Tysons Corner, Hyatt Regency Chesapeake Bay (Cambridge, MD) and Hotel Monaco, Baltimore): 

 

For more ideas for venues, check out my Pinterest venue board here.

He Proposed? Now what?

My Two Cents:
"You got engaged! Congratulations, now tell me absolutely everything about your wedding plans this second or I will bug you until you do. I have to admit that I get as caught up as anyone else when people get engaged and I want to hear all about their plans. As a newly engaged couple, learn to exercise your right to not say anything in this early stage. You have no idea what will happen between now and then, what kind of wedding you will have, what your budget is-- so just be vague! Thank them for their interest and try to distract them with your shiny new bling!

The average engagement in the US is between 9 and 12 months, and though there are many things to work on, you will never get this time back. This time of being a couple, planning your lives together, feeling all the love from family and friends, it's amazing. I know all the bridal "experts" say that you have to hit the ground running, you're probably already behind and are likely getting married at McDonalds with disposable cameras unless you book things tomorrow.

You know what? I live in DC, there are so many venue options I don't know how people pick just one, it seems like having 1/2 the venues knocked out of contention could actually be a blessing! My advice: Try not to spend more than five hours a week over the first few weeks doing actual "planning." Have dinner with your parents, meet his parents (if you haven't), show off the ring, have a conversation about budget and who will pay for what, find out about important dates you need to worry about (e.g., your sister will be giving birth in June, but you want her to be your bridesmaid, so maybe try to do it before May or a few months AFTER she has the baby). Kick around ideas about traditions that you want to continue or start, about bridal party members, but do not commit to anything.

So that's it. If you have more than 6 months to plan your wedding, DO NOT MAKE ANY COMMITMENTS FOR AT LEAST TWO WEEKS. You just agreed to make an awfully big one, leave it at that for a few days, then you can go as nuts as you like!

Rustic and Homey, NO MASON JARS!

Anyone who has been to a wedding or two in the last few years knows that one of the biggest trends is a combination of rustic/barn/country and an eclectic vintage look-- it has an individuality and a nostalgia to both of them that I love. Some brides are more country and all about the barn, some are more about trying to make it feel like a party in your grandmother's garden. Here are a few tips on how to keep it fresh and personal and you.

1) Decide what's most critical to your day-- what does "rustic" mean to you? Are you a hiker and need the feel of a Rocky Mountain Lodge? Do you want the farm and hay and sunflowers and a nostalgic/Americana? Is it more about a garden party with eclectic tea sets and vintage dishes? Decide what it means to you and focus on that. Don't go out and buy 50 yards of burlap when you really want colors and lace and the feel of an English garden party. If you want a picnic feel, don't worry about china and crystal, bring in picnic baskets full of flowers, simple dishes and handmade quilts instead of tablecloths. Below are ideas for three rustic weddings, each as different as night and day based on the couple's overall look, feel and location choice.

2) Don't necessarily focus your shopping and design efforts on craft stores-- check out the thrift stores near you, flea markets and charity stores are GOLDMINES for inexpensive (and perfectly expendable if they are dropped) vases, candle holders, dishes, tablecloths and more. For the couple that likes garage sales and flea markets, this is a fun way to spend time together before the wedding-- even a great bonding experience for mother/daughter or mother-in-law, maybe bridesmaids. Enlist friends to keep an eye out for you for specific items, maybe even bring in items from places you've visited together.

3) Don't forget you're a host: most of the time a rustic wedding is going to be, at least a good part of it, outside. You may be rustic, but maybe not all of your guests are as outdoorsy as you. Try to make them as comfortable as possible with bug repellant (wipes- not sprays), sunscreen wipes, fans and such. Hay bale benches are a great way to bring in your rustic feeling, but maybe have a few chairs with back support for your Great Aunt Ida.

4) Leverage what you love about your setting. Love the feeling of harvest time? USE IT! Bring in pumpkins (albino are gorgeous for this), hay, herbs and coniferous foliage-- try darker fall colors and wood accents. Are you a summer, classic Americana picnic kind of person? Use fruit for decor (strawberries, blueberries and peaches are gorgeous pops of color and edible the next day), work with gingham and picnic baskets, sunflowers fireworks like the 4th of July. If you love roses, don't choose a mountainside venue with pine trees everywhere, find a location with big and beautiful summer gardens. Perhaps the place is on a lake or at an old summer camp, maybe an old canoe can serve as a "help yourself" kind of bar/cooler. When in wine country, use old wine barrels to create displays. Let your place dictate the decor, not fight it.

Remember, a wedding is about you as a couple, and I think rustic/vintage weddings really speak to a sense of family and nostalgia-- they also lend themselves to simplicity. Find what works for you, don't worry about covering every single item in burlap or hay-- think about the memories you have of hiking and camping or skiing and horseback riding- think about what you can do to bring those feelings of happiness and family and nostalgia to the party and forget about the rest.

For more ideas of rustic decor that may work for you, check out my Rustic board on Pinterest. If you're looking for a venue in the DC/MD/VA area, check out my Rustic Settings board for a comprehensive list of ideas.

Is DIY A Good Option For Your Wedding?

Interesting post from today. I don't agree with every single point here, but my thoughts on DIY are well-vocalized here. Most importantly? If it's to save money-- THINK AGAIN. If you genuinely love being crafty, go for it! If you don't even own a glue gun, stop and think before you take it on. 


8.  It takes WAY more time and money to imitate those DIY projects and wedding inspiration shoots than you think.

We love that wedding porn as much as you do, but it sets up unrealistic expectations.  Wedding blogs and wedding reality TV misrepresent the details of what’s actually possible for a typical wedding with an average budget…one that doesn’t have a team of expert designers and planners working magic behind the scenes.

The media accuses the wedding industry of encouraging these unrealistic expectations so that you spend more more money.  The truth is that we hate it as much as you do!

It makes our job more difficult, and it puts us in the uncomfortable position of telling you, “No,” when it can’t be done on your budget.

9.  DIY projects are NOT a bargain.

Think you’re going to save money by having the wedding in your backyard?  When you add up the cost of the tent, rentals, food, booze and silverware, you end up spending MORE than you would hosting it in a traditional wedding hall.

The same thing goes for your favors, centerpieces and flowers.  It’s going to take you 10x longer and cost twice as much in reworks and mistakes than you think—especially if you’re a perfectionist.

Please don’t choose to DIY your wedding for the savings; make sure you actually like being crafty, and that you can adjust your expectations to accommodate less than perfection.

10.  Your wedding day will not be perfect, but we’ll be there to make sure it’s as close as possible.

I haven’t seen a single wedding where at least one thing didn’t go wrong.  Your bridal party will be late, the weather won’t cooperate, or the guests will forget to take home those favors you agonized over.  There are simply too many details and too tight of a timeline for everything to be completely perfect.

But when something goes wrong, we’ll be there to help you make it right.

http://www.bookmorebrides.com/10-things-couples-need-to-know-about-the-wedding-industry-that-the-media-will-never-tell-you/

Picture Perfect, Part 1

The happy couple will usually drop around $3,000 on photography for their wedding. These packages usually include an engagement shoot, 5-8 hours on the day of, one or two photographers and your album at the end.  A lot of people will tell you not to skimp on the photographer, because at the end of the day, that is what you have left, along with your memories, a top tier of wedding cake sitting in your freezer, and a few credit card bills you probably don't want to think about.  

And that's true... your photos, at the end of the day, are the living proof, the reminders of what an amazing day you managed to pull together and all the love and fun that was part of it. I'll do another post on how to find a great photographer and plan out the shots you want, but today I thought I'd delve into another topic: how else can you work in photography to get as many perspectives on the day as possible?

I'm sure you've been to a wedding by now with the ubiquitous photo booth, I have to say that this is a trend I absolutely adore! Whether you rent from a local provider of the ones like you used to take pictures in at the mall with your friends or you decide to DIY, the photo booth can be such a great way to capture the spirit of each of your guests! I suggest you consider making it your guest book-- each person/ group that takes pictures together will also sign a page of an album/book together so that after the wedding (or, if you have an attendant right there you can do it on the spot) you can put the picture that corresponds on the page opposite of the well-wishes. It's also a great enclosure to their thank you note, a copy of the pictures they took in the photobooth (this is especially true if you go DIY and need time to print the photos after the wedding)! Whether you pick a theme and have props or simply want to see your guests as they were that day, it's a great way to capture the fun spirit of the day.

Go social! Last year I attended a fabulous wedding that had guests clicking pics of everything using their phones... it was like being on a red carpet with paparazzi the flashes were going so fast and furious. But afterwards it took almost a year for pictures to start circulating back to guests at the party. Everyone had tagged the bride, but that didn't mean the groom's friend from college could see them. Well, now you have so many options to get guests posting all to the same place! There are some services you can pay a small fee (around $100-150) to host a website for your wedding and after your guests download an app on their phones, they can tag pics of the wedding to be sent directly to the event page. Another option would be to simply set up a portion of your wedding website for uploading of pictures, and in the ceremony program include a link or a QR code to direct guests to that site. And don't just keep it to your wedding day, have people shoot your rehearsal, your day after brunch... you could even post the pics of your bridal shower, all to this one central site! 

How to Get Started: My Two Cents

Shout out to the friends of mine who have gotten engaged in the last two weeks, it's going to be a great time! 

"You got engaged! Congratulations, now tell me absolutely everything about your wedding plans this second or I will bug you until you do."  I have to admit that I get as caught up as anyone else when people get engaged and I want to hear all about their plans. As a newly engaged couple, learn to exercise your right to not say anything in this early stage. You have no idea what will happen between now and then, what kind of wedding you will have, what your budget is-- so just be vague! Thank them for their interest and try to distract them with your shiny new bling!

The average engagement in the US is between 9 and 12 months, and though there are many things to work on, you will never get this time back. This time of being a couple, planning your lives together, feeling all the love from family and friends, it's amazing. I know all the bridal "experts" say that you have to hit the ground running, you're probably already behind and are likely getting married at McDonalds with disposable cameras unless you book things tomorrow. I live in DC, there are so many venue options I don't know how people pick just one, it seems like having 1/2 the venues knocked out of contention could actually be a blessing!

 My advice: Try not to spend more than five hours a week over the first few weeks doing actual "planning."  Have dinner with your parents, meet his parents (if you haven't), show off the ring, have a conversation about budget and who will pay for what, find out about important dates you need to worry about (e.g., your sister will be giving birth in June, but you want her to be your bridesmaid, so maybe try to do it before May or a few months AFTER she has the baby). Kick around ideas about traditions that you want to continue or start, about bridal party members, but do not commit to anything.

So that's it.  If you have more than 6 months to plan your wedding, DO NOT MAKE ANY COMMITMENTS FOR AT LEAST TWO WEEKS. You just agreed to make an awfully big one, leave it at that for a few days, then you can go as nuts as you like!

v

A Note on Hospitality and Weddings

Being a bride is maybe the only time in your life you will get to pull the card, "I'm the Bride! We're doing it MY way!" and sometimes it's hard to keep that in check and stay focused. As a planner, I believe it's important to deliver on the bride and groom's vision for their day, but that is not to the exclusion of your guests. It's critical to remember that you're throwing a party, you are the host and the same rules apply to hosting 100 people in a ballroom as they would if you invited a few couples over for dinner. You don't have to throw all your custom plans out the window, but there are definitely some things many people forget or don't consider when planning for their guests that you should think about.

• If you invited them to the wedding, they get face time with the happy couple. I have no greater peeve than going to a wedding and not getting a chance to say hello and congrats to the couple. I'm not saying you have to do an all-out receiving line, but it can be efficient. If you do a receiving line, it would be traditional to greet guests either as they leave the ceremony or as they enter the reception. If you are planning to take pictures before dinner and then having a large entrance after people are seated, you can still make a plan to "make the rounds," make sure you get to each table for a quick hello-- maybe consider handing out the favors personally? 
• Most weddings have at least a few guests who will need to travel from out of town and stay at a hotel, which we all know can be tiring and hectic, no matter how seasoned a traveler they are. It's important to make sure they can find and book a nice, clean hotel in a decent area. I always help my brides find at least two choices for a hotel that guests can choose from, as well as help them figure out how to get there, whether they need a car and maybe even a schedule of events for the weekend with directions-- these are the minimum, in my opinion. Having traveled a lot for weddings, I've really come to appreciate that extra touch from a couple-- a welcome note and small bag of snacks or tickets to a local baseball game when I arrive-- something that tells the traveler that you are grateful for the extra effort they put into coming to your wedding. A few bottles of water that can help someone avoid minibar charges can be as good as champagne for some people. 

• wThe day of is going to be busy and hectic for you and will fly by so fast you don't know what happened-- it probably won't feel that fast for your guests. Try to make sure that everyone knows where to be and when, with simple directions or transportation. If your ceremony site and reception site are different, make sure that the guests can travel in between in plenty of time. If it's outside and the summer, consider offering ice water, bug spray, etc. for the guests as they arrive... nothing worse than mosquito bites all over the back of someone in a great strapless dress. 
• The ceremony is yours, but the reception is for everyone. The ceremony is representation of who the couple is, as a couple and can be as customized as the bride and groom want-- if you want to say your vows in klingon, knowing only four people will understand, that's fine, go ahead! But when you move into the party, think about it as a party for everyone-- so a few quick reminders:
• Make sure the food allows for something for everyone. There should always be a vegetarian option, but make sure if you have people with special diets (gluten free or dairy free) that you can get an appropriate alternative to them. Also, make sure to have a menu somewhere that says what is in a dish, so they can check with the server about any concerns they may have. 
• Make sure they have something to do. Most weddings are about 90 minutes of eating/toasts/ceremony and 2 hours or so of dancing, and that's what many people like about weddings, so make sure you have a great DJ or band to keep people on the floor-- this isn't the time to bring out your love of industrial techno music from East Germany in the 80's... stick to classics and top 40 that will get everyone out on the floor. If you don't want dancing, there needs to be something offered as entertainment to the guests for coming out. I've been to weddings with games to play (carnival/lawn games or board games), but since many of the people there weren't really "gamers", it fizzled out quickly and people went home. Maybe you don't like to dance, but you don't have to-- you can spend the time going around and saying hello to everyone, but there needs to be something for the guests. 
• Decide on a kid policy and stick with it. Lots of people try to bring kids when they aren't invited and that's a level of rude I don't even have a name for. Make the decision to allow kids or not-- kids in the bridal party don't count if you want to ban all others. If you do have kids at the wedding, consider bringing in one or two babysitters to help at the reception at the kids table so the parents can enjoy the evening. You can bring in coloring books and toys for them to help them make it through dinner and toasts, and they can dance with everyone after. You can also try to arrange for babysitters nearby so guests can drop their kids off and then come enjoy alone.

 All in all, it's your day, do it your way! But remember the people you love most in the world are making the time to come out and celebrate with you and small moments of kindness and gratitude go so far in recognizing these and making people glad they came.

Check out my Pinterest board for more hospitality ideas! http://pinterest.com/kittenwithwhisk/hospitality/