Picture Perfect, Part 1

The happy couple will usually drop around $3,000 on photography for their wedding. These packages usually include an engagement shoot, 5-8 hours on the day of, one or two photographers and your album at the end.  A lot of people will tell you not to skimp on the photographer, because at the end of the day, that is what you have left, along with your memories, a top tier of wedding cake sitting in your freezer, and a few credit card bills you probably don't want to think about.  

And that's true... your photos, at the end of the day, are the living proof, the reminders of what an amazing day you managed to pull together and all the love and fun that was part of it. I'll do another post on how to find a great photographer and plan out the shots you want, but today I thought I'd delve into another topic: how else can you work in photography to get as many perspectives on the day as possible?

I'm sure you've been to a wedding by now with the ubiquitous photo booth, I have to say that this is a trend I absolutely adore! Whether you rent from a local provider of the ones like you used to take pictures in at the mall with your friends or you decide to DIY, the photo booth can be such a great way to capture the spirit of each of your guests! I suggest you consider making it your guest book-- each person/ group that takes pictures together will also sign a page of an album/book together so that after the wedding (or, if you have an attendant right there you can do it on the spot) you can put the picture that corresponds on the page opposite of the well-wishes. It's also a great enclosure to their thank you note, a copy of the pictures they took in the photobooth (this is especially true if you go DIY and need time to print the photos after the wedding)! Whether you pick a theme and have props or simply want to see your guests as they were that day, it's a great way to capture the fun spirit of the day.

Go social! Last year I attended a fabulous wedding that had guests clicking pics of everything using their phones... it was like being on a red carpet with paparazzi the flashes were going so fast and furious. But afterwards it took almost a year for pictures to start circulating back to guests at the party. Everyone had tagged the bride, but that didn't mean the groom's friend from college could see them. Well, now you have so many options to get guests posting all to the same place! There are some services you can pay a small fee (around $100-150) to host a website for your wedding and after your guests download an app on their phones, they can tag pics of the wedding to be sent directly to the event page. Another option would be to simply set up a portion of your wedding website for uploading of pictures, and in the ceremony program include a link or a QR code to direct guests to that site. And don't just keep it to your wedding day, have people shoot your rehearsal, your day after brunch... you could even post the pics of your bridal shower, all to this one central site! 

How to Get Started: My Two Cents

Shout out to the friends of mine who have gotten engaged in the last two weeks, it's going to be a great time! 

"You got engaged! Congratulations, now tell me absolutely everything about your wedding plans this second or I will bug you until you do."  I have to admit that I get as caught up as anyone else when people get engaged and I want to hear all about their plans. As a newly engaged couple, learn to exercise your right to not say anything in this early stage. You have no idea what will happen between now and then, what kind of wedding you will have, what your budget is-- so just be vague! Thank them for their interest and try to distract them with your shiny new bling!

The average engagement in the US is between 9 and 12 months, and though there are many things to work on, you will never get this time back. This time of being a couple, planning your lives together, feeling all the love from family and friends, it's amazing. I know all the bridal "experts" say that you have to hit the ground running, you're probably already behind and are likely getting married at McDonalds with disposable cameras unless you book things tomorrow. I live in DC, there are so many venue options I don't know how people pick just one, it seems like having 1/2 the venues knocked out of contention could actually be a blessing!

 My advice: Try not to spend more than five hours a week over the first few weeks doing actual "planning."  Have dinner with your parents, meet his parents (if you haven't), show off the ring, have a conversation about budget and who will pay for what, find out about important dates you need to worry about (e.g., your sister will be giving birth in June, but you want her to be your bridesmaid, so maybe try to do it before May or a few months AFTER she has the baby). Kick around ideas about traditions that you want to continue or start, about bridal party members, but do not commit to anything.

So that's it.  If you have more than 6 months to plan your wedding, DO NOT MAKE ANY COMMITMENTS FOR AT LEAST TWO WEEKS. You just agreed to make an awfully big one, leave it at that for a few days, then you can go as nuts as you like!

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A Note on Hospitality and Weddings

Being a bride is maybe the only time in your life you will get to pull the card, "I'm the Bride! We're doing it MY way!" and sometimes it's hard to keep that in check and stay focused. As a planner, I believe it's important to deliver on the bride and groom's vision for their day, but that is not to the exclusion of your guests. It's critical to remember that you're throwing a party, you are the host and the same rules apply to hosting 100 people in a ballroom as they would if you invited a few couples over for dinner. You don't have to throw all your custom plans out the window, but there are definitely some things many people forget or don't consider when planning for their guests that you should think about.

• If you invited them to the wedding, they get face time with the happy couple. I have no greater peeve than going to a wedding and not getting a chance to say hello and congrats to the couple. I'm not saying you have to do an all-out receiving line, but it can be efficient. If you do a receiving line, it would be traditional to greet guests either as they leave the ceremony or as they enter the reception. If you are planning to take pictures before dinner and then having a large entrance after people are seated, you can still make a plan to "make the rounds," make sure you get to each table for a quick hello-- maybe consider handing out the favors personally? 
• Most weddings have at least a few guests who will need to travel from out of town and stay at a hotel, which we all know can be tiring and hectic, no matter how seasoned a traveler they are. It's important to make sure they can find and book a nice, clean hotel in a decent area. I always help my brides find at least two choices for a hotel that guests can choose from, as well as help them figure out how to get there, whether they need a car and maybe even a schedule of events for the weekend with directions-- these are the minimum, in my opinion. Having traveled a lot for weddings, I've really come to appreciate that extra touch from a couple-- a welcome note and small bag of snacks or tickets to a local baseball game when I arrive-- something that tells the traveler that you are grateful for the extra effort they put into coming to your wedding. A few bottles of water that can help someone avoid minibar charges can be as good as champagne for some people. 

• wThe day of is going to be busy and hectic for you and will fly by so fast you don't know what happened-- it probably won't feel that fast for your guests. Try to make sure that everyone knows where to be and when, with simple directions or transportation. If your ceremony site and reception site are different, make sure that the guests can travel in between in plenty of time. If it's outside and the summer, consider offering ice water, bug spray, etc. for the guests as they arrive... nothing worse than mosquito bites all over the back of someone in a great strapless dress. 
• The ceremony is yours, but the reception is for everyone. The ceremony is representation of who the couple is, as a couple and can be as customized as the bride and groom want-- if you want to say your vows in klingon, knowing only four people will understand, that's fine, go ahead! But when you move into the party, think about it as a party for everyone-- so a few quick reminders:
• Make sure the food allows for something for everyone. There should always be a vegetarian option, but make sure if you have people with special diets (gluten free or dairy free) that you can get an appropriate alternative to them. Also, make sure to have a menu somewhere that says what is in a dish, so they can check with the server about any concerns they may have. 
• Make sure they have something to do. Most weddings are about 90 minutes of eating/toasts/ceremony and 2 hours or so of dancing, and that's what many people like about weddings, so make sure you have a great DJ or band to keep people on the floor-- this isn't the time to bring out your love of industrial techno music from East Germany in the 80's... stick to classics and top 40 that will get everyone out on the floor. If you don't want dancing, there needs to be something offered as entertainment to the guests for coming out. I've been to weddings with games to play (carnival/lawn games or board games), but since many of the people there weren't really "gamers", it fizzled out quickly and people went home. Maybe you don't like to dance, but you don't have to-- you can spend the time going around and saying hello to everyone, but there needs to be something for the guests. 
• Decide on a kid policy and stick with it. Lots of people try to bring kids when they aren't invited and that's a level of rude I don't even have a name for. Make the decision to allow kids or not-- kids in the bridal party don't count if you want to ban all others. If you do have kids at the wedding, consider bringing in one or two babysitters to help at the reception at the kids table so the parents can enjoy the evening. You can bring in coloring books and toys for them to help them make it through dinner and toasts, and they can dance with everyone after. You can also try to arrange for babysitters nearby so guests can drop their kids off and then come enjoy alone.

 All in all, it's your day, do it your way! But remember the people you love most in the world are making the time to come out and celebrate with you and small moments of kindness and gratitude go so far in recognizing these and making people glad they came.

Check out my Pinterest board for more hospitality ideas! http://pinterest.com/kittenwithwhisk/hospitality/

A Little Night Music... Part II

In the years I have a heavy wedding schedule, I'm always tempted to play "reception music BINGO and mark off whenever I hear "Isn't She Lovely" or "The Way You Look Tonight".  These are great songs, some of the best, why else would so many people choose them? But if you're still actually reading my blog, there is a decent chance you want something a little different... something that would totally foil my ability to shout BINGO as soon as the DJ blasts Jock Jams for the bouquet toss (one of the cliches that IS simply a cliche, can we PLEASE try something new?) So, below are my ideas and suggestions to put your personal stamp on your reception music and get people out on the floor. 

Bridal Party Entrance
Often a missed opportunity to give a nod to your friends that have put up with your antics for the last year of your engagement and show everyone else who's there precisely what these people mean to you.

Sappy Ideas (Sappy is good in this context):

In My Life by The Beatles or Celine Deon's Because You Loved Me. I know these seem cliche, but if you move to a different part of the show and give it a new meaning, the whole thing seems fresh, somehow. 

Silly Ideas:

Wanna Be Startin' Something by Michael Jackson, Raise Your Glass by Pink, Give Up the Funk, Glory Days by Springsteen, Glad You Came... Honestly, it's hard to think of a BAD song here but I'd like to see more variety.


Getting People to Shake A Tail Feather

There is absolutely nothing I hate more at receptions (except maybe cash bars) than a DJ who tries to turn the evening into a four year old's birthday-- hula hoop, limbo contests, sing-a-longs, you wouldn't believe it. In my opinion, the best way to get people to dance is to pay music so infectious that people NEED to dance. A lot of the problem is generational-- sometimes it's hard for Great Aunt Bertha to get down to The Thong Song or Ke$ha's latest. Below are some of my tried and true favorites that have gotten my stoic and stolid father to bust a move on the dance floor-- we'll call it the Eric Williams Booty-Shaking Playlist.

Today it's about booty shaking, so I'm not putting ballads in there, that will have to come another time.

Shout
RESPECT
Man, I Feel Like a Woman (Shania Twain)
Any Way You Want It (Journey)
Don't Stop Believing (Journey)
Dancing Queen
Bad Romance (Gaga)
You Give Love A Bad Name (Bon Jovi)
Livin' on a Prayer (Bon Jovi)
Bye Bye Bye (NSync)
Conga (Gloria Estefan)
Wanna Be Startin' Something (MJ)
Raise Your Glass (Pink)
Flashdance
Footloose
Funky Town (Lipps, Inc.)
Firework (Katy Perry)
Gettin' Jiggy Wit It (Will Smith)
La Vida Loca (Ricky Martin)
Material Girl (Madonna)
I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Whitney Houston, but Glee did a great cover too)
I Want It That Way (Backstreet Boys)
Jump (For My Love) Pointer Sisters
Just the Way You Are (Bruno Mars)
Marry You (Bruno Mars)
Miami (Will Smith)
Straight Up (Paula Abdul)
Tainted Love (Soft Cell)
Telephone (Beyonce)
Love Potion #9
Zombie Jamboree
Little Old Lady from Pasadena (Beach Boys)
Hey Ya (Outkast)
Walk Like an Egyptian ( Bangles)
Video Killed the Radio Star (Buggles)
Burning Up (Madonna)
What I Like About You (Romantics)
Some Kind of Wonderful (Grand Funk Railroad)
Sweet Home Alabama (Skynard)
Blues Brothers (Soul Man)
Proud Mary (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
I Feel Good (James Brown)
Johnny B Good (Chuck Barry)
My Boyfriend's Back (The Angels)
Jailhouse Rock (Elvis)
I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)
Vogue (Madonna)
We Got The Beat
Uptown Girl (Billy Joel)
We Found Love (Rihanna)
Smooth Criminal (Michael Jackson or Alien Ant Farm)
Sexy And I Know It (LMFAO)
What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger (Kelly Clarkson)
Here's To Us (Halestrom)
Hungry Like a Wolf (Duran Duran)
So Emotional (Whitney Houston)
Love You Like a Love Song (Only really like the Glee version)
What Makes You Beautiful (One Direction)
Pinball Wizard (The Who)
Starships (Nicki Minaj)
Me Against the Music (Britney)
Only The Good Die Young (Billy Joel)
River Deep, Mountain High (Ike and Tina Turner)
Everything (Michael Buble)
Hollywood (Buble)
Sway (Buble)
Silly Love Song (Paul McCartney)
Somebody to Love (Queen)
Walkin' on Sunshine (Katrina and the Waves)
Jump (Van Halen)
My Life Would Suck Without You (Kelly Clarkson)
Fire (Springsteen)
Jessie's Girl (Rick Springfield)
 Dream On (Aerosmith)
Cryin' (Aerosmith)
Pink (Aerosmith)
Safety Dance (Men Without Hats)

Weddings 2.0: Engage!

If you didn't know, Kitten With a Whisk is only a side gig for me, by day I'm actually a marketing consultant who specializes in digital media. It isn't often that I get to use my fancy degrees and trainings and research from my day job and use it in my planning, but 2.0 is changing everything, including weddings.

Web 2.0 is the idea that every experience online can be interactive. It can be real time. It can be a collaborative online party that everyone can be a part of. Now we can take advantage of the ubiquitous camera phones, social media networks, QR codes and so many other things I bet you haven't thought of yet, so I'm going to name a few favorites of mine on how to bring the timelessness of your wedding day to the digital frontier.

1) Don't have time to write long blog entries about all the wedding plans as they come up or weed through page long emails from Aunt Greta who really just wants to know if she can get her wheelchair down the grass at your location? Microblog it! Set up a Twitter feed for the wedding and make sure to use hashtags like #Rehearsaldinnerfun or #Dayofphotos so your friends can see tantalizing previews of the big day, ask their questions (keeping it to 140 characters or less) and upload their photos of the events leading up to and including the day, all in one convenient place so you can ditch the disposable cameras that usually get abducted by the kids or the drunken fraternity brother who then proceeds to take 18 pictures of his butt.  Also, don't be afraid to start engaging your guests to get them as excited as you are for the big day: ask for song suggestions for the reception, poll how many vegetarians you have coming to the party, where should the rehearsal dinner be... They'll feel so touched that you asked for them to participate!

If you like the idea of guests being able to upload the photos and make comments, but want something that allows them to say more than a tweet, look into an app. One of the new ones out there I love is WeddingSnap. It allows for you to create a custom page for each event involved with your wedding, which guests will download to be able to comment and post pics in a central spot, no tagging or Facebook constantly changing privacy rules to worry about. They even include in the package a cute welcome card to give your guests (perfect to hand out with programs or leave in a stack next to the guest book at the reception) that will direct the guests how to load it and start sharing. The album stays up for one year after your wedding date and gives you control over who can access it. With the biggest package (still less than $200 bucks) you can even live stream photos as a slideshow during the cocktail hour, especially cool if you have a friend at your photo shoot that can take pictures of the process and upload-- your guests can see the photos as they sip champagne waiting for your entrance!

2) You know when you have to travel to a wedding and in the hotel room there is a massive folder on your bed with a welcome note and breakdown of the plans for the wedding, along with every brochure from the concierge listing things to do in the area? DITCH IT! Now you can go digital and use miWedding to get guests all the information they need! You can post the agenda for the weekend including who needs to be where when and they can automatically link to their GPS for directions. Instead of the folder in their welcome bags, just have one small note with directions to access your events for the weekend and it's going to cost a whopping $20 bucks for everyone of your guests to access!

3)There are some great online registry programs, things like universalregistry.com. But in case you are more of a tactile person and want to pick out your sheets and towels in person, but still don't want to commit to one or two stores? Try Wedding Scan, an app that allows you to snap the barcode of any item in any store and add it to your central registry! Also, for the less patient ones out there, you can set it to notify you whenever an item is purchased of the registry. I would just recommend removing that function about two weeks out or your phone is going to explode.

4) QR codes are the new thing, and I'm a big believer. In case you aren't familiar, they are the square barcode looking things being put everywhere to be scanned from your smartphone (requires any of a million QR scanner apps) and direct you to a website's landing page. Instead of sending out all those RSVP cards with pre-paid postage, go green and include a small note with your invitation directing your guests to scan the code and RSVP on your site. You'll still have to send RSVP cards to the older ludites on your guest list, but should still save you some last minute phone calls wondering why your brother hasn't RSVPd yet (I don't know, I put it in the mail weeks ago). Generate a QR code for free by just plugging in the website for RSVPs on a generator page like this.

There are so many ideas to choose from, I just picked my four favorites but let me know how you worked 2.0 into your wedding! And one last tidbit: Tweeting during the wedding is not funny... if you really must have your relationship status changed the moment you say "I Do", give your phone to a friend in the audience and ask them to do so (you wouldn't believe how often I'm asked about this). Nothing would be more awkward than seeing a bride with her smart phone at the altar while the groom patiently awaits his kiss.

Most Recent Obsessions

I'm always trying to find a way to bring new ideas to weddings. Recently I stumbled across some blogs with Real Weddings that wove in elements that I'm dying to steal!

Eastern Shore Crab Feast Wedding with Home Brewed Mead and Beer. I'm not even sure I need to explain why this is the greatest wedding ever. Being a Marylander, the sight of Chesapeake Bay Oysters, cooked crabs in a basket, corn on the cob and fried chicken is the ultimate feast fit for royalty. But the addition of a table full of friends' and familys' home brewed libations is not only adorable and smart, but it brings in an element that personalizes this wedding more than anything else possibly could. I instantly smell the salty air of the ocean, the breeze making the bride's veil float a bit and the down home bluegrass band playing in the background. What a perfect day!

A Comic Book Save the Date. This is a seriously fun way to work in that nerdy side of your groom without having to include it in your Black Tie wedding reception, everyone wins. The way that they worked it into the context of their Alice in Wonderland themed wedding was especially great. It isn't always easy to add such an element of whimsy, brides are afraid of being teased... but come on, how often do you get a Save-the-Date that your boyfriend or husband HAD to show to every guy friend he has?

Charitable favors. I can't say this is a brand new idea, it's been around in various forms for a while I'm sure, but I feel as though it's making it's way into the mainstream and I love it. Raise your hand if you've ever gotten a wedding favor that was super memorable and truly counted as an addition to the event for you as a guest. I have seen some couples go over board and provide a bottle of wine or whiskey (yep, saw that, I swear) for their guests, which would be lovely I'm sure, but I would personally tell that couple to save the money to put towards their honeymoon or a down payment for a house! Aside from somewhat rare exceptions, you're going to end up walking away with an adorable container of candy, a candle of some kind or a cute little knick-knack that you promptly lose and never think about again. So why not choose to make a donation in each of your guests' names to a charity you love? If you're having a hometown wedding, maybe there is a historical society or community outreach project you can donate to, or you could donate to a cause that's more personal to you, maybe a research foundation that works with a disease a loved one of yours died from and you would like to honor them. I've even been hearing about some people donating to political organizations that promote marriage equality, hoping to help those who aren't able to marry in front of their family and friends (although this one is a bit politically charged, so you may want to avoid being this controversial). Get creative and let your wedding day be the happiest day of a favorite charity's as well!

How to Have Your Cake... and Not Eat It Too! (Recessionista Post)

People spend a lot of money on a wedding. According to Reuters, the average cost of a wedding in the US is currently at $27,021, and if you live in the DC region like me, it's about $10,000 more than that. I always find myself so surprised by these numbers because I so rarely come across a couple who can afford that, or who simply won't pay that. I mean, I could have paid for Graduate school at Hopkins with that money and leave with no debt. 

But let me be clear. I think you should have the kind of wedding you want, as long as you can afford it. I would never suggest to a bride to take out a loan on her home or cash in retirement savings to pay for her wedding, come on, that's just silly. However, if you feel like tapping into your savings account just a little, or picking up some OT at work to afford that Priscilla of Boston gown, go for it. But there are plenty of ways to save money in one place in order to have more in another. Today, our entry is a piece of cake, literally! Well, I guess not literally, but there are some good recessionista tips below!

Why a wedding cake? 

If I had known when I got married the first time what a wedding cake symbolized, I may have simply skipped it. Ancient Romans and the Celts are known to have broken a "cake" made of barley or oats over the bride's head as a symbol of the breaking of her virginity and acknowledgement that she was now to be subservient to her husband. In some cultures it was done to bless the couple with great fertility. In England and France they often baked charms into the cake that would be found by random guests and indicated things like who would be married next and who was going to have the next child. And, of course, there is the messy tradition of unmarried girls taking home pieces of the wedding cake and sleeping with them under their pillows to induce dreams of the man they would someday marry.

That being said, times  have changed. We no longer bake the cake out of barley or oats, we don't break them over anyone's head, and cakes are now gorgeous confectionery structures, they can be quite the artistic achievement and serve as a gorgeous decoration to your wedding look. Cakes usually run between $3.50/slice up to 7.00/ slice. For a 150 person wedding, you could spend between $500-1000 on your cake! This is a GREAT way to save some cash in a few different places.

• First of all, if you know you want cake, tell your caterer to cut any dessert options they have listed in the proposal. Why get your guests hopped up on miniature pastries when they're going to get cake in 1/2 hour? One of the desserts (the caterer's or the cake) will end up pretty much going to waste.
• You don't need to buy a piece of cake for every single guest. With people leaving early, issues with diabetes and gluten allergies and people on diets, I find between 1/4 and 1/3 of a cake go completely uneaten (I'm not talking about the top tier, if you were hoping to save that for your anniversary). I would give a guest count of about 25% than the guests expected, it's not a TON of money, but it's probably a Bridesmaid's bouquet amount.
• If the caterer charges a cake cutting fee, and you have a choice, drop the caterer-- that's ridiculous, petty and all other kinds of stupid. They'll tell you it takes special experience to cut a wedding cake. Due to the tiered structure, that's partially true. Have someone you find to be fairly precise and steady handed and ask them to do this, if they don't know how (I'm surprised how many people of my parents age actually DO know this), have them watch this video for a quick how-to.
• Fake cake. In a nod to the elaborate cakes being shown on tv and in movies, businesses are starting to pop up which allow for you to rent or purchase the gorgeous, intricate and large cake that you always dreamed of, with some fancy touches you could never use for an edible confection, such as glue to mount flowers, jewels glitter – whatever you want (and remember how gross fondant is, but beautiful looking? No worries here!) And the best part is it's CHEAP. Most 2-4 tier fake cakes are going to cost you between $100 and $250, depending on customizations you want and shipping. Some are rentals, they will send you instructions to return ship (if you can't find a local supplier), some you can purchase and simply toss at the end of the night, or re-sell. A few points:
• Some stores will make you an edible top tier, or you can coordinate with a baker to match a top layer to the design of the rest of the cake. Another option is to ask for the fake cake company to create a slit you can put your knife in to get the picture of cutting your cake. Just stash a small slice of cake out of the picture range and use that when you're ready to feed each other.
• This allows you to serve your guests a much less expensive, but still delicious sheet cake, cupcakes, cake pops... or even skip the cake serving entirely, because let's face it-- how many wedding cakes have you tasted that were all that delicious? Great way to have the traditional cake photos and serve that Chocolate Mousse your caterer is known for!
• If you go this route, make sure you have designated someone to be in charge of the cake. They will need to set it up (you may need to rent/ buy/ purchase a cake stand) as well as take it at the end of the night to either toss, return (make sure you give them all the shipping info, ready to go) or give back to you. You also need to make sure, if you're serving sheet cake or any other kind of baked good, you have someone to cut/ serve (don't ASSUME your caterer will do this for free, see point 3 above). 
• Want to have something kind of fun and different, and SMALL to serve your guests after a huge meal? Or maybe your trying to only do finger foods but find the cupcake fad to be wearing thin (I'm so with you!), try cake pops!  They can even serve as a centerpiece, or serve each guest 2 or 3 varieties as a tasting!